So, while Yelp is very useful and awesome, it is not without some people charging that the editors “sex it up” a bit to make the place more advertiser-friendly.

Well, I found a new calling. I am entering the world of restaurant reviews.

I will make reviews even better by telling the whole story of my experiences at each restaurant! My new Yelp reviews are at http://eexlebots.yelp.com.

Here is a sample, a review of a local Thai place I looove, Neecha Thai:

Have you ever had a vision about an appetizer? I had one about their tender, sweet, caramelized… calamari!!! With crispy basil! Absolutely amazing.

This is the story of my vision, and of how I first came to know of Neecha Thai.

I went to sleep like any other night. No drinking, no drugs, not even my usual dose of laudanum. One of my recurring dreams, of Cobra Commander riding a sexy black unicorn, was running its course when I heard a mighty roar. I looked down and saw a tangled mass of tentacles from beneath.

Fearing it was Chtulhu, I leap off of Old Snake’s mighty steed and flew to safety with my angel wings. I looked back down to see the unicorn and Cobra Commander meet their grisly fate in between a maw of brown-red tentacles. “CO-BRAAAAAAAAACKKK!!!~”

Suddenly, a popping noise. Cheerful, classical music. Was this the opening strands of Die Zauberflöte?

The tentacles burst apart into a rain of delicious tender calamari. Rainbows, everywhere. So delicious! A sweet voice kept repeating…”Neecha…Thai….” Every time I would hear those words my whole body would begin to glow and sparkle. I kept eating the raining Calamari until I expanded into a plump cherub, almost Hutt-like in appearance save the tiny wings.

I awoke in my bed at ten in the morning. I knew what I must do. I would find this Neecha Thai, and eat their calamari. And my life was forever changed.

More here.