Last night I rented “Godzilla: Final Wars.” It’s claim to fame, until the point that I watched it that is, was that Godzilla battles “Zilla” and handily beats him (”Zilla” is the Toho name for “American Godzilla” from the crappy 1998 American movie). Well, in fact, Godzilla battles every damned monster he’s faced, it seems. So, with that bit of knowledge in my head I popped in the DVD and proceeded to be shocked and awed by the glorious glory that was the most effed up and insane Godzilla movie I have ever seen. Now that I know the director was the same gent behind “Versus” (Ryuhei Kitamura) things make a bit more sense.

This movie has everything. EVERYTHING. In no particular order, there is a flying submarine with a spinning drill and lasers that defends Earth(aka the legendary Atragon), Godzilla imprisoned in the ice in Antarctica, aliens that want to eat people, tons of monsters, the Mothra min-twins, martial arts, running on walls, lasers, robots, UFOs, mutant super-teams, Super-Saiyin power-ups, Minilla (aka Baby Godzilla) changing sizes and interacting with children and grandfathers, Mothra on fire, the deaths of millions, homoeroticism, Matrix bullet time, Neo/Smith stye fights, tons of Engrish, an Ultimate-Fighter-turned-flying-sub-captain, effed up portrayals of Americans, swordfights, pretty ladies in hot scientist labcoats, a V-style face-rip scene, kidnapped world leaders, the UN, blood, cratered cityscapes, dudes in rubber suits, CG action, actual stuntwork, wires, a big budget, etc, etc, etc.

And for a true WTF experience watch it with the language set to Japanese with American subtitles. Don’t worry. You will be able to follow everything with the greatest of ease (kinda like the first time I watched “Versus” with no subs or dubs available)-especially since the American captain always speaks in English, and everyone always responds to him in Japanese. He is sorta like Chewbacca. It’s really, really, weird-especially when he gives a long and dramatic speech in front of the Defense Force, all in English!

GO RENT THIS MOVIE YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT ONE MILLION STARS/out of four

PS: The alternate title for this movie could be “Godzilla has the Best Day of His Life” and when you see it you will understand what I mean.

Godzilla, Godzilla:Final Wars, review, Toho, Don Frye, Ryuhei Kitamura