OK so I went to the swamp in the SECRET NORTHERN NEW YORK location a few days ago, I was feeling pretty awful but I had a plan to deal with the bad moodtimes-I brought some antidepressants! The brand name I like to use for depression is CANADIAN CLUB WHISKEY, it is a good natural antidepressant! It is organic and from an ancient recipe too. I think you can buy it at TRADER MOE’S next to the organic flax oil pills and organic rummy’s gin!.

Anyway, it was hot in the swamp too, so I took off my shirt and felt free! Then I took off my shoes and socks, since all they do in the swamp is get wet and collect mud, and then I felt even freer! I was feeling kind of grossed out by the mud and bugs and stuff that I had to step in with my bare feet, but after a few doses of good ol’fashioned Canadian medicine I was feeling much better about the filth and becoming one with it!

OK so around that time I was feeling pretty great about everything, and I still had half of my medicine left! I was having a good time too-I was poking at bugs and leeches and putting leeches on each other for creepy invertebrate fighting goodness, I think they were fighting but maybe they were making like 1308247437649234 more leeches, I am not sure! I saw a muskrat and a couple of otters, which was pretty rare! I wandered over to the otters and waved, “HEY OTTERS!” but instead of waving back they looked at me and dived away!

I was feeling pretty depressed by the otter shunning so I wandered over to a beaver dam and took a seat on the crinkly branches. I thought that maybe I should finish the rest of my prescription and just then the beaver-owner came out for a visit!

HELLO TOUCHING, said the beaver, GET OFF OF MY HOUSE! (he did not actually speak with those words, I am translating for him, he used his big teeth on my flesh instead!)

AHAHAH I screamed, and ran off! I got soaked in the pondwater and jumped out, there were more leeches on me! I took out my medicine, I only had a few shots left, and poured a few small doses on the bloodsuckers to get the dozen or so off of my legs! SHIIIIRKKKKKKEEEEEEEEKKKK they made that weird noise and fell off into the mud. Then I drank the last bit of the prescription and threw the Canadian medicine bottle into a tree!

Ughghgh, I was feeling tired then, so I knew then what I needed to do to finish the day! I took my hands and scooped out a nice depression for me to hide from the hot rays of the sun, and hopped into the soft cool and slightly damp dirt. I took out a polaroid of THE EX and held it up into the air above me!

EX GIRLFRIEND, I shrieked, WHY DID YOU BECOME A PROSTITUTE!?!?!

That was my last memory before I woke up! When I came to I was sunburned and could not see anything! I was too hot to move so I passed out again. For a second I thought about calling for a Troll to some teleport in to save me, but was still pretty out of it so that was probably a bad idea.

Finally, I woke up for reals in the nighttime with the North Star staring at me from above! My skin hurt like fire and I realized I had the picture of EX all crumpled up in my hands. OWW and FUCK! I mumbled, and crispily rose up out of my shallow grave for my old self@!

It is time to do grownup things, Touching, I said to myself, like build a small dirigible and go back to the nice woman and be good at work and life.

I walked back, hotly and peacefully, back to life. It was a trip, not a vacation.

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