Click and Clack had just finished a long and amusing session of screening calls for “Car Talk.” Sadly, as the clock drew ever closer to midnight they realized that they needed to leave the radio station to get some sleep. Just as they were leaving they spotted a beat up blue Buick failing to start in the chilly parking lot.

“Hey Tom, check it out!” said Ray, “That old clunker is trying to start his old clunker!”

Tom squinted, “Oh yeah, ‘ol Garrison is having problems again. Whaddaya say we lend him a hand?”

Ray grumbled but assented. NPR folks need to stick together, after all-their blood runs thicker than molasses in a Lake Wobegon winter. That’s what Garrison Keillor would say-and in fact, that is exactly what he did say when the Tappet brothers greeted him.

“You ‘ol Lunkhead, what’d you do to your car?” Said Ray with a gentle tease.

“Car? It has wheels? All I see are scales and a peanut-sized brain!” added Tom with a smirk.

Garrison smiled as he opened the door and drew himself out into the chilly winter evening. “Folks, you know how a car can be a fussy as Bessie coming back from a long hard day of chewing cud on the prairie. This ‘ol heap has been giving me problems for the past few days, and I think she may have given up the automotive ghost. What do you think?”

Click and Clack were utterly charmed by the Minnesotan’s civility and rustic manner and both hopped in to the vehicle to investigate. Click opened up the hood from the driver’s-side pull-tab and asked Garrison to check out the terminals on the battery-which is exactly what Garrison had been counting on.

Once under the long late-model GM hood Garrison deftly connected a small tank and hose-full of nitrous oxide- which immediate and odorless began to flow into the car’s interior. He shouted back-”OK the terminals look fine-try now!” A peal of signature Tappet brothers laughter shot out in response. Good-it was working.

Garrison then hopped in to the back of the comfy old sedan to discuss the problem with the two brothers.

“I think you have a dead battery” said Tom, who then erupted into loud, uncontrollable laughter. Ray tried to add a helpful hint but he too began to giggle uproariously. Garrison began to giggle too-he had to be quick or his brain would be caught up in the happy haze of Nitrous.

“I’ve appreciated your show for some years now, boys, “Garrison said to the two brothers, who were rapidly approaching the blackout phase of their evening. “I just want you to know how much I love you two, and your help given freely to the good motorists of this country.” He put a hand warmly and firmly on each of the Tappet brother’s heads and looked them both deeply in the eyes, first Tom, then Ray. Their now incessant giggles took on a component of fear; their reptilian hindbrains knew something uncouth was up. The look in the old Viking’s eyes was disturbing…and needy. Before the brothers could even think of moving their numb bodies, their heads were firmly whacked together and they collapsed in a jumbled middle-aged heap on the front couch-seat of the Buick.

It was late, and the three men were the only men in the station. Garrison Keillor knew to make the best of their time.

“It was a cold night in Lake Wobegon…” he began as he undid the buttons on his old throwover sweater, “and few people knew the secret to staying warm on such a cold night…” now naked, he eyed the “Car Talk” duo greedily.

Of course, he knew the secret of staying warm and would be sharing it with two special men very soon…

NPR slash, Garrison Keillor, Tappet Brothers, Car Talk, A Prairie Home Companion, Click and Clack, nitrous, gas, slashfic, sexy