OK so I wa slate to the liveblob because I was in a crisis situation with oakland Mayor Ron Dellums and his wife! It is okay, crisis averted, city is safe!

What follows is a huuge amount of posts from Mr_Rabbit since he cheated and used a keyboard, and I used my phone so there are lots of spelling errors!

But before we begin, this is pretty much the only part of the debate worth watching, where John McCain called Barack Obama “that one.”

Mister_Rabbit man tom brokaw is really showing his age

Mister_Rabbit embrace was cold, formal, sexy. Dead sexy.

Mister_Rabbit brokaw: HURRY UP, world is facked, here are some questions from idiots

Mister_Rabbit Alan’s question: best solution for fucked economy? Barry: blah blah worst crisis since ‘29

Mister_Rabbit McCain is a southpaw!

Mister_Rabbit Barry: oversight, give the people their scrilla back, no CEO bailouts! Golden showers not parachutes!

Mister_Rabbit [death-touch] likes Barry’s suit

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: DO NOT TAX THE RICH PLZ OMG

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Solution is to fix the economy HURRRRRR

Mister_Rabbit Jimmy Buffett supports Barry!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Wall St. sucks because i helped it suck. Barry: I <3 Jimmy Buffett

Mister_Rabbit There is a cool looking robot in the bg

Mister_Rabbit Question from Section F: How will bailout help reg'lar folx?

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I can't do more than one thing at once

Mister_Rabbit Ut Ohg Barry is smiling

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts wants to buy more houses he will not know how many, however

Mister_Rabbit Barry: this crisis will kill everyone! also: Walnuts is crazy! OH SNAP

Mister_Rabbit Barry: A year ago, i told you all this would happen. Walnuts pushed for more fuck-facetoudenousness

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: is shit going to hit the fan before it splatters?

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Uh, no i guess. We need a new, um, approach? or whatever.

Mister_Rabbit death-touch wants to know if the audience members chose to wear red or blue on porpoise

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Barry didn't sign this letter i didn't give him a chance to.

Mister_Rabbit Ms Finch: Look at my necklace, also, how can we trust you? YOU ALL SUCK!!

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Thanks for the blame it is OK we suck. But bush sucks more! we will suck less, i promise

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Walnuts like to support Bush. Like a sports bra it is sexy.

Mister_Rabbit Barry: WE LOVE NON-GAS POWER! NET SPENDING CUT! I HOPE I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Washington is broke, i fix. me walnuts! Me not answer question! Me not believe in Global Warming!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I Hate Pork Like I'm an Orthodox Jew!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: OFFSHORE DRILLIING.

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: Shut up the both of you: What is your highest priority? Multiple Choice.

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Trick Question! ALL OF EVERYTHING IS A PRIORITY! HA HA HAAA!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: blah blah Reagan blah blah

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts wants to build "a bunch" of nuclear power plants! Now all towns will be springfield!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts is doddering and rambling again

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts is doddering and rambling again

Mister_Rabbit Barry: we need to prioritize! HURRRRR

Mister_Rabbit $15bill over 10 years to be free from foreign oil-heroin

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Also, i <3 JFK

Mister_Rabbit Barry: I WILL SLASH ALL STUPID EVERYTHINGS FOREVER

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: Internets ask a question: Who will you sacrifice to a dark god to fix everything?

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: programs! lots of programs that suck! they will all be killed! Also earmarks and really good things like Xmas and Thanksgiving

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: NO PROGRAMS EXCEPT MILITARY

Mister_Rabbit damn does Barry look presidential!

Touching liveblob: sorry for the delay I had to talk with ron dellums about his wife and city but mostly wife

Mister_Rabbit Barry: 9/11 made us strong! Bush did the right thing……AT FIRST BITCHES QUIET DOWN

Mister_Rabbit Barry like petroleum. that’s ok. we like oil too

Mister_Rabbit Barry: I will get every American NEW STORM WINDOWS FUCK YES

Mister_Rabbit Barry: I will double Peace Corps funding so directionless college grads can get stoned in another country!

Touching liveblob: McCain waddles around and makes faces like the penguin, Obama looks like he already belongs on a money bill

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: Will you take the USA’s credit cards and cut them up?

Mister_Rabbit Barry: OK why not.

Mister_Rabbit death-touch: GOD DAMN THE AUDIENCE IS U-G-L-Y they ain’t got no alibi!

Mister_Rabbit ooo! A snappy medical analogy! he’s got the Scrubs vote!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I like to nail jellos to a wall. it is all i can eat and i hate it.

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Barry’s secret: Small businesses will get hella taxed! The Economy is bad! do not do it!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I will give everyone a fully refundable tax rebate!

Mister_Rabbit fully refundable?

Touching liveblob: Obama and McCain ain’t followin no rules

Mister_Rabbit Barry: boy do we have some work to do!

Mister_Rabbit Let’s be clear about my tax plan: 95% of americans get hella tax cuts! HELLA! WHAT PART OF HELLA DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOU OUL’ FUCKERRRRRRR

Touching liveblob: holy shit 7k for each kid? McCain knows his mouthbreathing, rabbit breeding core

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: OH SNAP ON BARRY AGAIN LOL

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Barry Loves the Democrats! also MAAAAAAVERICK!

Touching liveblob:instead of reversing the laws of the last 8 years, can we travel back in time so they never happen?

Mister_Rabbit Walnut’s voice is a little too close to Dubya’s it’s true

Mister_Rabbit GOD WALNUTS YOU ARE BOOORRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG

Mister_Rabbit TommyB doesn’t like this format!

Mister_Rabbit Nosering wants to know what you will do to light a fire under congress to get more environmental things goin’ on

Touching Liveblob: ok so before barry was not experienced enough but now he had so much experience that he has cronies and like a billion bad votes ?

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I’m the captain! My son is bart!

Touching Holy Shit McCain can pronounce nuclear right!

Mister_Rabbit Listen! Walnuts knows countries!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: America let me kiss your fat asses!

Mister_Rabbit CNN’s reaction-o-meter looks like his heartbeat

Touching Liveblob: hey I thought it was a British guy that invented the digital computer?

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Walnuts and i agree on something! also, OH SNAP, WALNUTS YOU ARE THE DEVIL!!

Touching liveblob: dude look at the size of mccain marker, haha he is so old he can’t see, he also looks more and more like a snapping turtle

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: YOU ARE BOTH GOD-AWFUL

Touching Liveblob:tommy b. Is mad that these two mavericks don’t listen to the rules!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts called Barry “That One” he must be taking lessons from Sarah “KKK” Palin

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: We need to build a bridge of oil for some reason!

Touching liveblob: haha holy shit “that one” he was rude to Obama

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Barry has a responisble nuclear policy! HA!

Mister_Rabbit Some Lady: Is Helfcare a commodity?

Mister_Rabbit Some Lady: Is Helfcare a commodity?

Touching Liveblob: wait didn’t wAlnuts say we needvtp store and reprocess nuke fuel but now it is bad when Obama votes for it? Did I hear him wrong?!

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Everyone gets to go to the doctor and we will do it over email because that is efficient!

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Walnuts will give $5000, but his hand will take something from your other one. or something. wait. what?

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I am interested in Helfcare because god i need it look at my face?

Touching liveblob: find the audience membes: mannaquin head, chicken wattle, drug eyes, hairplugs, Cheney jr, frowney face, shiny tubbykins

Touching HE WILL FINE YOU

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: BARRY WILL FINE A BIDNESS FOR NOT INSURING THEIR EMPLOYEES! STRING HIM UP! OOPS I SHOULDNA SAID THAT

Mister_Rabbit Now walnuts wants us to do math?! I can’t even stop EATING

Touching Liveblob: LOL listen more to my nonsensical medical plan and. How my taxing it will fuck you

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts hates the gov’t!

Mister_Rabbit Barry’s momma died from cancer. i didn’t know that. aww.

Touching Liveblob: My MOM DIED so STFU

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Isn’t my plan sensible! you know it is! Also, walnuts wants kids to get sick and MAYBE die BWA HAHAHAHAHAA!

Touching liveblob: barry has a little normal pen

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Arizona is a hotbed for shitty insurance companies!

Touching liveblob: Delaware has naught banks! Joey b told me so!

Mister_Rabbit White Guy: America should be peaceful and set the peacefulness ’round the world, right?

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Peace! Yes! we shed blood everywhere! Wait! helpme!

Touching liveblob: criticism of American is justified OMG McCain hates America! He also love American blooood

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: We fuck up a lot! I was shot down!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: Barry doesn’t know what ‘military’ means.

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Walnuts: YOU KISS BUSH AND INVADE IRAQ AND YOU ARE A CHEERLEADER WITH POM POMS AND EVERYTHING

Mister_Rabbit Barry: I <3 our troops but damn they eat and shit and shoot a lot and we are cleaned out!

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Let’s take Iraq’s budget surplus! Time to go to VEGAS BABY!

Mister_Rabbit Barry: BUSH DISS AWESOME

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: should we use soldiers when we can’t take a country’s oil?

Touching Liveblob: it is kinda funny when people talk about all the money we are spending on Iraq when Iraq has money , like we are doing them favor

Mister_Rabbit Barry just got the Jew vote

Mister_Rabbit Barry: NO ETHNIC CLEANSING BECAUSE BLAH BLAH BLAH MORALITY

Mister_Rabbit Barry: we love our allies, also

Touching liveblob: oops debate is over someone brought up the holocaust/ Nazis ( barry) [ godwins law]

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: My friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends

Touching my friends my friends my friends my friends my friends my friends my friends my friends my friends my friends

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: we must say NEVER AGAIN and mean it this time whoops. It requires a cool hand. a COLD hand. a dead hand. MY hand

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts is again with the blood. Precious, delicious american blood. mmm.

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I may start war again BUT I WON’T LIKE IT I SWEAR!

Mister_Rabbit Katy Ham: Should we get all up in Pakistan to get OBL?

Touching precious American blooooood

Mister_Rabbit Barry: Hmm. Here is the sitch: they are Pakistani hillbillies right now; they want to kill us all because they hate pie.

Mister_Rabbit Barry: End Iraq thing, and mayyyybe go in there. let’s change that regime! we can’t have leaders TALKING to terrorists.

Mister_Rabbit Barry did not answer that question. sorry buddy. i like ya, but come on!

Touching liveblob: I wanna kill Americans right now too, all those fuckfaces who thought bush was gonna be a good time

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I am a military sexpert because i was shot down and tortured. that turns me into a four-star fucking general.

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts’ eyes are two different colors WTF

Touching Liveblob: hey walnuts admitted he helped start the Taliban, but then he said ” warsh”

Mister_Rabbit Barry: I WANT TO FOLLOW UP

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: Sure whatever i don’t care you both are tools.

Mister_Rabbit Barry: don’t i sound great? Gad i could talk myself to sleep.

Mister_Rabbit Barry: you sir, are not talking softly. you are filking dead kennedys lyrics. YOU SUCK

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: I was JOKING ABOUT IRAN!! Stop bringing it up! My blood pressure can’t take it!

Mister_Rabbit Walnuts: PLEASE I promise to be responsible

Touching liveblob: hey look at the sleepng guy! Oh! Guys!

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: How you dudes feel ’bout Afghanistan? We are failing. Thoughts?

Touching liveblob: check out tommy b’s dandruff!

Mister_Rabbit Barry: we need to help afghanistan. we need more troops there. i…i guess

Mister_Rabbit um, Senator Walnuts, do you mean the Afghans?

Mister_Rabbit TommyB: Internets want to know how you’d spank russia without starting the Ice War

Touching haha mister rabbit twittered too much so now he can’t! Ahahaha! Mr rabbit enjoys Garfield comics and sean hannity beefcake shots

Touching and frankly the debate ended with godwins law so I dunno why I am still watching

Touching McCain blinked and little starbursts were all over this living room, then he fondled a military man

Touching it is not a great threat, it is a bitchin’ threat

Touching liveblob: McCain is up last and he staggers around, begging and pretending he is poor? Pow moment? Yes?

Touching liveblob: give me another chance, I am a steady he d despite all that you have heard!

Touching liveblob: WTF is with the running away from each other? Take me away katie couric, take me away

Touching liveblob: cindy McCain removes me of the old version of the blond slut cylon

Touching michelle is a cutie tho

Touching Barry: cool as a cucumber

Touching McCain: snappy like a turtle

Touching Remember: THAT ONE lulZ

Touching ok, good night Merka, and good luck chuck

Touching mr rabbit says, good night, and oh boy I loves me dome American cheese!”

Helloooo everyone! I will be doing a liveblob tonight on my twatter! After the stupid snowbilly and dumbmouth finish their debaclebate I will post my twits on this subrevolt page for you all to read!

Here is a picture to get you warmed up:

See you around 6:00PM PST!

***WARNING IPHONE SPELLING ERRORS GALORE****

Touching liveblob:about to liveblob the debatacle

Touching liveblob: can only see a little bit of couric’s legs

Touching liveblob: biden blahblah I am old and eff you wall street and <3 Obama

Touching liveblob: palin shuffles millions of notecards

Touching liveblob: I'm a mom, betcha, shut up

Touching biden as a senator from Delaware what is your position on punkin chunkin?

Touching Biden eyes twitch

Touching gwen: you two are stupids answer the question

Touching don't spend beyond your means says palun, she knows because she put a meth town of
5000into tens of millions of debt

Touching microphone squeal

Mister_Rabbit This ain't no stump speech, you two

Touching biden flashes his Cheshire cat smile every time she says something stupid or outright lies

Touching McCain wants to hump ayn rand's dessicated corpse says biden

Touching liveblob: Holy shot palin made up a huuuge lie about not raising taxes in methsilla

Mister_Rabbit wiiiiiiiiiiiiide open, Joe

Touching sorry emergency phone call with ron dellums I missed a lot

Touching Liveblob: LOL biden called Obama McCain

Mister_Rabbit Biden loves body oils

Touching liveblob: palin is confused by climate change but it is real but I don’t think people maybe *squeal*

Mister_Rabbit @Touching no you really didn’t

Touching liveblob: ahaha theyvare both melting down

Touching palin: Yes! “clean green natural gas” “o’biden” nucular

Touching biden: ahaha I love clean coal shut up about the rope line SHUT UP

Touching biden : I loves the gays they can marry or not, palin: I loves the gays too but not really queers kaint murry

Mister_Rabbit Ut ohg http://snipurl.com/41byl

Touching Palin: I agree with biden wait yeah no

Touching : palin: I would like to thank the Shiites for cleaning out the Sunnis also props to biden for opposing Obama

Mister_Rabbit Look at Bible Spice talk! OH SNAP

Touching liveblob: oops forgot to write liveblob for a while, also ladies luv bidens rad blue dotted tie

Touching palin: shut up surrender monkey, she said that because she is racist ahagah

Touching Liveblob: ahaha “talibanny”

Touching liveblob: biden: shut up palin McCain is an idiot wrong wrong wrong

Mister_Rabbit Now we got JoeyB using Walnuts’ favorite word: fundamental

Touching liveblob: boring no one has been embarrassing for a whole minute or two geeze boring

Touching liveblob: Sarah palin said she listens to the terrists, ” that al Qaeda leader said” lulz

Mister_Rabbit We should believe the leader of Al Qaeda? Um, OK; sounds good! Let’s DO
THIS!

Touching Liveblob: WTF Sarah palin said she us tolerant u guess andrew Sullivan will add this to his list if twelve or twenty or a hundred palin lies

Touching Liveblob: ahaha whatever biden everyone knows you can’t trust a spainaird

Mister_Rabbit You know what? This time I WANT a smart president. Is that wrong?

Touching liveblob: who loves the Jews more? Ooooooo!

Touching liveblob:girlfriend wants to know why palin has such huge pupils I want know why she looks like she’s about to cry

Mister_Rabbit Maasaaaaaaaverick!

Touching Liveblob: Jason says her pupils are big because the drugs that keeps her implant working properlyy too bad it can’t help her say nuclear

Touching Liveblob: haha biden keeps saying nuclear properly NUCLEAR

Mister_Rabbit Nuclear. Hear that, bible spice? NEW-CLEAR.

Touching Liveblob schools the fuck out of palin

Touching liveblob: biden said “bosniacs” lol

Mister_Rabbit Bozniak? Bosniac?

Touching liveblob: sarah palin sounds like she is speaking phonetically all these bill kristol talking points

Mister_Rabbit Come on though guys; she’s actually not doing as bad as she did during those wretched couric interviews.

Touching Liveblob: biden just said some big words he lost the hickey oops I mean hockey mom vote

Touching palin: palin keeps winking I think she is coming on to me

Touching palin: Jesus Christ palin keeps talking about cutting taxes but she fucking raised thema bunch in alaska

Mister_Rabbit What’s he spending so much time in Home Depot for?

Mister_Rabbit Did she just wink at me? Lady, I’m SPOKEN for.

Touching Liveblob: education is lax says palin then adds ” my kids IS in school” haha she can’t read or write

Touching Pali:ooh yeah your joke was lame. Biden:ah shut up YOU CUNT

Touching Liveblob: biden love home depot because he also wants to DRILL BABY DRILL bc he is a closet homosexual ( lieberal)

Touching Liveblob: biden good Christ the veep only casts a vote in a tie HE IS IN THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH Christ people

Mister_Rabbit What EXACTLY makes Mr McCain think he’s qualified to make military decisions? He got SHOT DOWN. TWICE! That means you are not a good pilot!

Touching haha finally palin broughtup her daughter’s fraudulent retard baby

Touching liveblob: biden: shut ip about your retard baby I killed my wife YOU CUNT *cries *

Touching Liveblob: LOL we have not got to allow

Touching liveblob: biden: fuck the maveric but it is cool I still love watching “top gun”..

Mister_Rabbit “Quasi Caved-In”

Mister_Rabbit *GLITTERING GENERALITIES*

Mister_Rabbit “all political persuasions” = LESBOS

Touching liveblob: palin got tapped by McCain OH YEAH I wanna tap her too so I guess she has my vote since I am not biden curious

Mister_Rabbit “Clear Choice on November 4th”

Mister_Rabbit NO FUCKING KIDDING

Mister_Rabbit quit with the deification of Reagan! .

Touching palin : I am glad scary katie couric isn’t hear to call me out on my bullshit when I am talking to you dumbshits

Mister_Rabbit JoeyB’s daddy called him “Champ” that is adorable!

Touching liveblob: hey I am kinds smart and you know those two dumbshits will ruin the country so vote for Obama hooray patriotism ! Dad family 50’s

Touching no hugs for biden or palin oh awesome show marie courics legs again

Touching bag no katie couric legs is this George will guy comparing palin to a country singer jmm I am gonna go drink Good Night America

Mister_Rabbit Jeh-hezius Chritht Lieberman! Just become a Reapubican and be done with it
Touching *klunk*

Wrap-up:

I went to this website yesterday an’ looked at archives and saw TAD GREELY being a douchenuts and posting things! WTF he is not the blogger I AM THE BLOGGER I screamed.

I did not know how to find out who Tad was, his author link was a lie because he had it set to mine (mine is a lie too)! That was bullshit and Tad knew it. I hate Tad, and not because of his new post, but because he has plagued my existence for too long! He was there when I saw the Challenger blow up, for example.

“Touching, ” he said behind me in first grade class, “This is truly one of the most dramatic and tragic things I believe I have ever witnessed. I am trying to repress my tears, but I fear I may break down the more apparent it becomes to me that the fate of those brave men and women was quite horrifying indeed….do you htink any of them are still alive, and know they are doomed?”

“GODDAMMIT TAD,” I said, “You just made me pee in my weird plastic hole-chair!”

Ever since then, Tad has been nearby to make horrible things even worse with his retarded empathy.

I am going to murder him in his sleep.

HELLO it is me again, TOUCHING aka TOUCHING IS FOR THE PAPERBOY, NOT FOR ME aka DOCTOR TOUCHING aka ME!@@!

I am here to let you know that I am on Twitter now! I was one Myspace first and left bc I got waaaay too much bad spam pr0n and attention whores kept bugging me, and then I was on Pointlessbanter.net but then Kevin got in a fight with his girlfriend or whatever and none of us became rich so then I just came back to this site, but then I left because whatever so now I am on TWITTER because it is the new MYSPACE (aka ANNOYING AS HELL AND STUPID!)

So follow me on TWITTER! Right now I am having adventures with government scientists and a fuckface half-man-half-cat person/monster from Berkeley Hills called “Tigris”!

Enjoy mon chichochchcohcfohcdohzcdiodcfsiopefhefdljksefnoh! Yeah! Here is a picture because Davis “Grovis” Prisper says everyone needs at least one picture per post now or something, whatever:

OK so I went to the swamp in the SECRET NORTHERN NEW YORK location a few days ago, I was feeling pretty awful but I had a plan to deal with the bad moodtimes-I brought some antidepressants! The brand name I like to use for depression is CANADIAN CLUB WHISKEY, it is a good natural antidepressant! It is organic and from an ancient recipe too. I think you can buy it at TRADER MOE’S next to the organic flax oil pills and organic rummy’s gin!.

Anyway, it was hot in the swamp too, so I took off my shirt and felt free! Then I took off my shoes and socks, since all they do in the swamp is get wet and collect mud, and then I felt even freer! I was feeling kind of grossed out by the mud and bugs and stuff that I had to step in with my bare feet, but after a few doses of good ol’fashioned Canadian medicine I was feeling much better about the filth and becoming one with it!

OK so around that time I was feeling pretty great about everything, and I still had half of my medicine left! I was having a good time too-I was poking at bugs and leeches and putting leeches on each other for creepy invertebrate fighting goodness, I think they were fighting but maybe they were making like 1308247437649234 more leeches, I am not sure! I saw a muskrat and a couple of otters, which was pretty rare! I wandered over to the otters and waved, “HEY OTTERS!” but instead of waving back they looked at me and dived away!

I was feeling pretty depressed by the otter shunning so I wandered over to a beaver dam and took a seat on the crinkly branches. I thought that maybe I should finish the rest of my prescription and just then the beaver-owner came out for a visit!

HELLO TOUCHING, said the beaver, GET OFF OF MY HOUSE! (he did not actually speak with those words, I am translating for him, he used his big teeth on my flesh instead!)

AHAHAH I screamed, and ran off! I got soaked in the pondwater and jumped out, there were more leeches on me! I took out my medicine, I only had a few shots left, and poured a few small doses on the bloodsuckers to get the dozen or so off of my legs! SHIIIIRKKKKKKEEEEEEEEKKKK they made that weird noise and fell off into the mud. Then I drank the last bit of the prescription and threw the Canadian medicine bottle into a tree!

Ughghgh, I was feeling tired then, so I knew then what I needed to do to finish the day! I took my hands and scooped out a nice depression for me to hide from the hot rays of the sun, and hopped into the soft cool and slightly damp dirt. I took out a polaroid of THE EX and held it up into the air above me!

EX GIRLFRIEND, I shrieked, WHY DID YOU BECOME A PROSTITUTE!?!?!

That was my last memory before I woke up! When I came to I was sunburned and could not see anything! I was too hot to move so I passed out again. For a second I thought about calling for a Troll to some teleport in to save me, but was still pretty out of it so that was probably a bad idea.

Finally, I woke up for reals in the nighttime with the North Star staring at me from above! My skin hurt like fire and I realized I had the picture of EX all crumpled up in my hands. OWW and FUCK! I mumbled, and crispily rose up out of my shallow grave for my old self@!

It is time to do grownup things, Touching, I said to myself, like build a small dirigible and go back to the nice woman and be good at work and life.

I walked back, hotly and peacefully, back to life. It was a trip, not a vacation.

medicine, breakdown, swamp, northern new york, drunk, canadian club

Two guys are sitting in a bar, one a Democrat, the other a Republican. A Libertarian walks into the bar and moseys on over to the Democrat and Republican.

The Democrat and Republican look at this Libertarian and both politely say, “Hello.”

The Libertarian smiles and shakes their hands and says, “Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?’

“RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!RON PAUL 2008!!!!”

///thanks for junking up our internets, goobers!

ron paul, election 2008, politics, joke

OK so I wanted to know how good the new Fantastic Four movie will be, but I do not want to wait to find out because I sort of want to get hammered on Friday night and watch it! I looked around for reviews but could not find any good ones, I was about to try alt.filmpirates.moviereviews.bin but I remembered that I hate using Usenet!

I then remembered that I had a future self problem! It hasn’t been so bad lately, but I know he comes out of my brain when I least suspect it!

I wrote on the computer screen in rub-out marker,

FUTURE SELF: DID YOU SEE THE FANTASTIC FOUR:RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER MOVIE IN THE FUTURE? IF SO SHOULD I GO SEE IT? THANX TOUCHING

Then I drank a quart of whiskey and passed out with my face stuck to the keyboard!

I woke up a couple of days later, I was in the bathtub, but not in water: I was in a pool of baby oil! This is weird! I said to myself, but it was OK, I figured it was the Future Self doin’ thangs to my body again. He was probably trying to fix it after all I have been doing to it (smoking reservation cigarettes, drinking quarts of whiskey, cough syrup binges, cheese heroin shakes, dimetap and hydrogen peroxide, etc)

It took me a long time to get out of the tub, since I was so slippery! I blew out the scented lavender candles and rubbed the oil off of my body, I had to swing my feet out over the edge of the tub and rub them with a towel, then rub most of my body to get the rest of the oil off, then rub my lower body and feet and legs AGAIN to get the rest of the oil that dripped off, then I slid out of the bathroom into the door!

When I woke up again I was still by the door and nothing strange had happened, so I must have just passed out like a normal person. Anyway, so I got up, and since I had landed on the rug and not the plastic bathroom floor, I could move and not slide an extra three inches per step due to oilfoot, so I thought it a good time to go back to the computer!

The marker was rubbed out and a notepad was open on the computer, it was a message from my future self! it said:

****************
ATTN: Touching:
RE: Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer

Ok you dumbfuck, I don’t even know why I am typing this to you. I know damn well you’re going to see this stupid movie, and you and I both know you’re going to get royally fucked up before you watch it. In fact, you’re going to get so fucked up that you are going to thoroughly enjoy the “film” in question. In fact you will tell your fucking roommate that “it’s awesome, go see it!” because all you can remember from your cough-syrup induced delirium is how cool the Silver Surfer looked and acted, and that you liked how silly everything was.

Maybe if I drank two and a half 16-ounce bottles of Robotussin I would feel the same way..OH WAIT! I did, didn’t I? That’s right, brainfucker, I did, because I had to come from you.

So, do you want to know what you should do? I’ll tell you. Don’t see it, go draw pictures or study astronomy this coming Friday. What will you actually do? You’ll drink five or six Pabst Blue Ribbon’s at Kingman’s Lounge or The Alley or the Easy Lounge or some other fucking Oakland hipster preening hellhole and be so drunk you’ll think you are having a good time there, then you’ll stop by the drugstore and buy three bottles of cough syrup with dextramorthophan and drink them one by one in the back of the meth-addled Kwikway (in front of the eyepatch lady, too), before hurling in front of the KFC before you get halfway through the third bottle of Robo. Then you know what you’ll do? You will teeter into the Grand Lake Theatre with the last bit of muscle control that you can muster, and you will drop ten fucking bucks to sit in the very front of the theatre and go “oooh whoah” in between giggle-fits for two goddamn hours.

Have fun, asshole. This will be another reason I hate you so goddamn much.

-Your Future Self

****
So it sounds like the movie will be worth seeing! FOUR STARS THANK YOU MARVEL AND GARBAGE DIRECTOR!

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I mean, I looked at my blog and it was not displaying animated gifs for some reason (well, maybe they hired a designer with a sense of fucking taste). When I reposted it, a familiar error by the name of “an unexpected error has occurred” occurred, and then when I tried again I got some messed up time/date stamp error which i had never seen before!

This is on top of random weird errors that happened when I tried to pretty up my profile and blog with the new “DIE HARD FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL BRUCE WILLIS DIES” editor!

Maybe the Pubic Troll is having fun in the server room again. I dunno. What would Myspace be without ten million fucking errors, eh? It just wouldn’t be Myspace any more (it would be pleasant to use, that is)!

Seriously, have you ever tried to actually sit down and watch an episode of “Go-Bots”? It’s so fucking horrible and lazy and makes no sense, and not in an entertaining way like “Beyblade.” All evidence of that show’s existence must be destroyed.

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OK so today I woke up and ROOMMATE was not around! It was good times, I danced around naked in the apartment for a while to 90s music like THE REAL MCCOY and HADDAWAY until I remembered that people can see in through the windows, so I washed some clothes and put them on like a normal human being!

I went on the inter-net but I got bored, so I decided to go to Everything2 and type in “Robotech.” I was enthralled for hours and then I found out they MADE A SEQUEL THAT WAS ACTUALLY ANIMATED AS AN ACTUAL ROBOTECH CARTOON. In case you have a life and did not either grow up in the 80s or smoke pot and watch Cartoon Network in the late 90s Robotech is an awesome show (when you are stoned or a small child) about aliens who invade Earth to get a ship they lost and who apparently like J-Pop a whole lot! Also there are lots of mechs and space fighters that transform into robots (those sequences were most of the budget…of the show they came from!). The show was actually three shows stitched together from Japanese TV to make one show for America! Hahaha wtf.

ANYWAY I decided to go buy that movie! TOUCHING, my mind said, YOU NEED TO GO NOW AND BUY IT AND ALSO A JUG OF CARLO ROSSI TO HELP WITH THE MOVIE!

So I went out! I drove to Berkeley, which is basically the worst thing you can do in the Bay Area (aside from letting your truck melt the highway!) I somehow found parking close to RASPUTIN’S and AMOEBA and went into both, hoping to find the movie. NO LUCK but I did find a whole bunch of Hentai which was exactly next to the “R” section in the “Japanime” <---hahaha that is seriously what they called it--->and that sucked because girls already do not like you if you are looking at anime, if they think you are looking at tentacle schoolgirl pr0n and being all picky about it they probably want to call the police or at least take a pic of you and post it to “Don’t Date Him Girl.com”!

So neither of those places had it! I went ughghgh and went into a Moe’s Bookstore and SOMEHOW FOUND A COPY OF “MARTIANS GO HOME” (which was right next to the “John Brunner” section, double awesome!).

Anyway, this left me with one option: I had to go…to….EMERYVILLE. DAMMIT. Well I forced myself to go, I ended up at the Borders or Barnes and Noble or whatever big giant corporate bookstore that is there near Trader Joe’s! I looked it up on their video thingie and it said —>whoah touching look at that beautiful Indian lady over there *swoon* I should go over and say hi and maybe try to WAIT MOVIE —> and then the video search thingie said NOT AVAILABLE YOU CAN ORDER IT AND IT WILL GET HERE IN ONE WEEK!

Well THAT WILL NOT DO! I screamed, the Indian lady looked over at me when I did that, I smiled and said “Hi!” and she looked creeped out and walked away, dangit! I make more irritated nerd noises and walked out and thought, TOUCHING< maybe you can just go to the other bookstore? The other bookstore is in the worst place on Earth though, it is in the faux-small-town brick "Emery Bay" chamber of horrors, so I said NO! to my brain and suggested I download a backup copy in the inter-net instead!

TOUCHING, my brain said, Good idea!

SO now I have been waiting one hour, it says "57 minutes until completion" so while I could not buy a DVD I ended up saving twenty or thirty bucks! THANK YOU ISOHUNT.COM!

Physical Media Review: poor
Internet Review: three and a half stars (half a star is taken away because downloading it was not completely instant, but was only like two hours probably!)

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Today I feel grouchy because this was one of those days when I was making screenshots and writing procedures and I realized that this was exactly why my twelve year old self did not want to get a computer, since I could see with an eerie prophetic certainty that I would end up as a PC tech and not becoming something more meaningful and useful to society, like, I don’t know, an astronomer or some sort of space scientist or a person who helps people around the world in some fashion (and NOT by resetting someone’s forgotten password at a Corporate location in Bangkok!). I think this means I should go back to school or find myself or something but I have a car to pay off and loans from earlier schooling to pay off and greed as well so I think I am doomed!

ANYWAY since I feel so nasty I thought I might was well run with it, here are thigns I hate and maybe why:

HOME DEPOT: Hi I hate going to you because you put good hardware places out of business for no reason since you end up having terrible and unhappy staff and run out of stuff all of the time and basically are one of the most unpleasant places in the world to be, aside from maybe Aldis or Sudan.

GAMESTOP: Hi also on this list are BABBAGES and ELECTRONICS BOUTIQUE because they are all owned by the same people or group or whatever.”Hey sell us your newly purchased games for five bucks so we can sell them for forty-five dollars!” Also we bundle shit and love to make people wait in frikin’ line and abuse the hell out of our customers and employees so badly you will wonder why you started playing games in the first place!

EMERYVILLE, CA: Let’s pave over a native shellmound and name the street “Shellmound” so as to pretend like we care about what we did! Then let’s build a bunch of strip malls and call it “the shopping center of the Bay Area” and then build condos right next to the strip malls so you to can pay (1 yr ago $750,000) $400,000 for the “privilege” of living next to Gamestop and Taco Bell and nonstop, awful traffic! Don’t even get me started on the retarded fakeness of “Emery Bay Shopping area” or whatever the brick-lined, faux small-town megashopping center is called. Also you suck, Emeryville, because inevitably I need to go to you once every two weeks for something from the Apple Store or Trader Joe’s or fucking Home Depot, god dammit.***However, Pixar is there and that is kinda cool but not as cool as everyone hypes it up to be***

Condescending Hippies: These are the people who South Park made fun of for being “smug” and they are so dead on! They are the people who assume I bought my hybrid for altruistic hippie reasons (which yes there were some) but do not understand that my overriding reasons for spacecar purchase were :
1. hatred of American cars stemming from owning two Buicks, one from 1978 and one from 1984, both of which fell apart when touched and consumed more gasoline than that gas truck that melted the highway last Sunday!
2. Hatred of buying gasoline and odd cheapness overall.
3. Tax and carpool lane bonuses (closely related to #2)

The smug hippies sometimes walk past my apartment and I can hear them from the balcony, they complain about apartment buildings in my neighborhood and even point to my apartment building and say with that weird tone,”and THAT is another eyesore.”

SORRY I CANNOT AFFORD A NICE HOUSE TO LIVE IN ASSHOLE, ALSO SORRY APARTMENTS BRING IN “THE WRONG KIND OF PEOPLE” (aka minorities and people who are upper middle class).

PUNDITS: While I am at it, I also want to add pundits from all sides to this list, as they all seem to ignore facts and whip people up into taking retarded sides and ignoring important parts of issues because NO IT IS LIBERAL VERSUS CONSERVATIVE NOW SHUT UP AND PICK A SIDE

Yes this includes Air America as well as Fox news, but also people like Lou Dobbs and Keith Olberman! gasp! OH YES PLEASE BOIL AN ISSUE DOWN TO AN INSANELY SIMPLE FORMAT AND TELL ME WHAT TO THINK OH THANK YOU PUNDIT YOU ARE TEH AWESOMEST

My cynicism: I hate hating everything and thinking nothing works and that everything is pointless and stupid! I think it means I need a girlfriend but that doesn’t work out very well most of the time so I have been hiding from commitment or something, wait that is my cynicism again DAMMIT

touching, adventures with touching, list, hate, things I hate

OK well I think I am good for now. I feel marginally better so maybe I will go eat lunch or something and read about Atomic Bombs.

Roomate is verbally abusive to me all of the time but I am afraid to speak out for fear of waking up with a dong in my mouth but I do not care any more! He has called me the following dirty awful things just today:

Daveypuss
Daveypussy
Ovis
Ovispussy
Ovispuss
Sexual David
Davidpuss
Daveydickles
Sweet Davey
Sweet Daveydick
Sweetums
oviskins
Daveykins
pusspuss
Daveyclaus
Davis
Davispussy

I think there is a pattern here!

adventures with touching, roommate, names, abuse, roommate abuse

OK so I went to the decadent Croquet match last week at my school that my favorite insane perpetual presidential candidate Lyndon Larouche called a “hotbed of neocons” aka of Straussians!

I went because I am doing thangs for my class’s Homecoming! I had a busy time and did not get to see lots of people or do lost of things I wanted to do, because there were too many other awesome people and things to do that I could not do it all! It was frustrating, but I did manage to get one special thing done: investigate the Straussian conspiracy!

I poked around the drunken alumni tent and the people there were talking about lots of different things (especially things like HEY I HAVE CHILDREN and I MARRIED THIS PERSON HERE etc etc) but finally I saw one person dressed in a nice suit, but he had shifty eyes! I talked about politics with him and said, I THINK THE ENDS JUSTIFIED THE MEANS, THE SPREAD OF DEMOCRACY IS TOO PRECIOUS and he beamed and said, TOUCHING< --THAT IS WHAT I THINK AS WELL!

That is when I knew he was a neo-con for sure! ALUM, I said, I think there was a few other people who think like us who were supposed to be around this weekend, but I forgot where I was supposed to meet them! Do YOU know where to go?

YES! he said, I know exactly what you are thinking! >wink wink< and so we went away from croquet and down the street to the Gellatto place near the docks in Annapolis!

There is a barber who lives down there who used to drive Mussolini around, it was a school rite to go down to the barber shop and get a haircut and listen to how Mussolini “was a good man” and smile and nod and think WTF! Anyway we went into his shop, it was a haircut flashback to be sure! The Alum and the barber nodded and winked and the barber spun a customer around: it was that Kristol guy from the Project for the New American Century!!!@

KRISTOL MAN, I said, I am honored to meet you! (when you meet a high level Straussian you have to tell them you are honored to meet them, it lets them know you are one of them and also says, “OK Philosophy-Kinglet tell me teh academic ecrets! Also government ones if you have some plz!)

He smiled and said TOUCHING I have heard of you! You possess secret mind control grammar knowledge, would you like to join PNAC and do insane things for democracy and the US no matter what anyone says?

NO! I said, I have problems enough already!

He laughed and said, TOUCHING I knew you would say that. Think of this as an open invitation!

Just then the barber and alum came with four shots of whiskey! I smiled because I needed a drink (I was in Annapolis and and awake and not drunk yet for gods sake!) Mr. Kristol said DEATH TO ISLAMOFASCIM! and I drank my shot-AND NO ONE ELSE DID!

WHAT MANNER OF TOMFOOLERY IS THIS?!?!?! I screamed, and then I woke up on the lawn at the college with a bottle of Don Felipe tequilla nestled in the crook of my arm, drained!

I looked around and most of the people were gone! I shouted DAMMIT MY RIDE! I jumped up and had massive hangovertimes and THUS ENDED MY NEOCON INVESTIGATIVE REPORT FOR THE INTERNET.

OK so today I pushed the button! I was driving along on my way to work with coworkerneighborfriend and we passed Berkeley on 80E and I decided to push the button while going around the Albany Bulb, I was expecting crazy engine noises or an alarm or jets to pop out from underneath the vehicle, maybe, but instead nothing seemed to happen!

WELL that was pointless! I said, coworkerneighborfriend laughed and suggested my car had the button for irony’s sake or something. I agreed that the owner was probably some writer for adult swim who thought having a big red button in the car would be lolerific and through the button did not do anything either.

ANYWAY on the way back from work that evening I noticed my fuel guage was green instead of orange! I also noticed that it looked fuller but I thought I was insane, after a while I realized that the display was showing the tank getting full and not empty!

THIS IS CRAZY, I thought, Hondas never fuck up, what is this damn bug doing in my car?! just then there was a beep and a word lit up over the fuel tank icon on my dash, it said: dispense

I did not know what that was either! I figured it could wait until I got home, but when I turned off the exit another beep sounded from the car and I heard a weird clacking noise in the back. Some people were pointing at my car on the sidewalk and in traffic but i was back in Oakland so I thought they liked the hyphee NPR blastin’ otta my whip!

I got home and dropped my coworkerneighborfriend who shouted when he got out, “Touching! There is gas leaking out of your car!”

NOo! I screamed, gas is more precious than gold! I got out and ran around the back and sure enough the lid to my gas tank had popped off and fuel was dribbling out of my car! The leaking did not stop so I shut off the car in case this was a fire emergency. I called honda!

HONDA, I said, my weird hybrid car has a big red button and I pushed it, now my display is blue and it says “DISPENSE” and gas is leaking out of the car!

The lady was concerned! SIR, she said, Is the gas leaking out of your car now?

I looked and saw that it wasn’t now that it was stopped! I told the lady on the phone that and she said, Touching you need to dispense your gas!

I did not know what she meant, just like when the car told me that i did not knwo what the hell to do! The Honda Lady said that I had to seal the gas cap up and go in my car and press the red button and start the car again. When I did the dash display was orange and the dispense icon was gone! I checked in the back and the gas stopped leaking!

HONDA LADY, I said, What is going on here?!

TOUCHING, she said, You bought the Honda Anniversary Edition Insight! It is a good car, press the button when the gas gets to the top or bottom and you will be fine have a good day and thank you for shopping with Honda of America 911 Never 4get! and she hung up!

I do now know exactly what is going on here! I think my car makes gas or something, I should write to AUTOBLOG GREEN and find out wtf is going on!

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